We all have come across those moments with our kids when we know that something has happened. When they are little we recognize silence as a key sign of trouble on the horizon. When they are a little older they get quiet and try to avoid eye contact.

Eventually we find ourselves becoming detectives.

We didn’t know we needed to have FBI training for this thing we call parenting. Shouldn’t it be easy?

I do think there should be a Life Basics course in high school. If you fail this course you shouldn’t be allowed to have children, but that may be a rant for another day.

How do you get the truth out of a couple of kids that are clearly accomplices and have sworn loyalty to each other? How is their bond as siblings greater than their bond with dad?

I have figured out over the years that they may not be best friends. They may not have common interests. They may not both be guilty. They may not even like each other, but they do have everything to lose together.

Their common bond is their possible punishment and standing up to and laughing in the face of authority as they try to get away with something.

So how can we get them to break? How can we get the truth or at least a glimpse of it?

Trying to get one of them to squeal on the other is possible until they realize who the rat is. Then they will eliminate that one from the group. I know this sounds like bullying. It’s part of growing up and becoming a team player.

It’s time to put on your poker face!

We must be stoic. We cannot show too much emotion. We must stand strong and stick to our guns.

After so many years and so many situations I have discovered that many times the best advise is to give them time.

I know that when I am questioning a decision in my own life I need to ramble. The answer is in me I just need time to spit it out the right way.

What I have realized is that if I give them enough rope they will eventually hang themselves. This is a secret in parenting. Your kids want to tell you the truth. They want to open up. They may even be proud of what they have done.

Before getting upset about that first kiss, laughing at the answer they wrote on the test, or mocking those hilarious questions, give them a little bit more time. Let them explain themselves.

Once they hang themselves be understanding and remember all those times your parents never figured out what you had done.